❖ Video
❖ Audio (Message)
Experiencing Setbacks and Rebirths With Jesus
(John 13:36-38)
Mari Ikeda
Today we continue with the Gospel of John, reading from 13:36-38. Though a very short passage, its content is recorded in all four Gospels, suggesting it was likely widely known from the earliest days of the church. It is the story of Jesus foretelling Peter’s setback. Peter can be considered Jesus’ closest disciple and the one who laid the foundation for the Christian church. Yet the New Testament records many stories of Peter’s failures. Today’s passage is among the most striking of these. Through Peter, we learn that following Jesus means repeatedly experiencing setbacks alongside Him and being reborn through Him. Let us read it now.
36 Simon Peter asked him, “Lord, where are you going?”
Jesus replied, “Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.” 37 Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” 38 Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!
A. Jesus and Peter
1. Jesus prophesied Peter’s setback and rebirth
The key point here is Jesus’ prediction that Peter would deny him three times. However, if we focus on the exchange between Jesus and Peter just before this, we see that Jesus is prophesying not only Peter’s setback but also his rebirth. Jesus said, “Where I am going, you cannot follow me now, but you will follow me later.” Jesus knew Peter’s weakness at this moment better than Peter himself did. Yet at the same time, Jesus also knew that Peter would grow and become strong beyond what Peter could imagine at that moment. This means that Jesus desired Peter to recover from his failure, forgave him, and had hope for him.
2. Peter had to know his own weakness
But before achieving such growth, Peter had to recognize his own weakness. When Jesus told him, “You cannot follow me now,” Peter insisted, “Why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” At that moment, Peter genuinely believed he was prepared to sacrifice his life for Jesus. Yet Jesus spoke even heavier words to him: “You will deny me three times.” I didn’t realize this until preparing for this passage, but after this, Peter doesn’t speak a single word until Chapter 18. He was likely so shocked he fell silent. Yet, the next recorded words from Peter were exactly as Jesus prophesied: when asked by people, “You are one of Jesus’ disciples, aren’t you?” he denied it, saying, “No.” Peter must have come to know his own weakness and, at the same time, realized that Jesus knew everything all along.
Perhaps Peter’s true experience of knowing Jesus began here. It was the experience of knowing that Jesus knew and forgave the most filthy and ugly parts of himself that he could do nothing about on his own. And he came to know that Jesus died on the cross precisely for such a weak self. Furthermore, encountering the resurrected Jesus, Peter came to know God’s deep love. Peter not only held a simple desire to follow Jesus, but he was overwhelmed by God’s love—a love beyond his own wishes and strength—and could not help but praise God. To such a Peter, the resurrected Jesus prophesied about his life. Let us read 21:18-19.
3. Peter came to find joy in sharing the sufferings of Jesus
21:18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
It is said that Peter continued to tell people about Jesus regardless of persecution, and ultimately was executed for his activities. The words of Jesus we just read prophesied that Peter would live such a powerful life. But as we’ve discussed today, Peter wasn’t a particularly strong person. Peter’s true relationship of trust with Jesus began with Peter’s failure. Even after recovering from that failure and beginning his missionary work, Peter was far from perfect. He couldn’t get rid of his prejudices against Gentiles and was even accused by Paul of being a hypocrite. Yet, the conviction that Jesus forgave his sins and loved him kept transforming him. He came to believe that relying not on his own strength, but following where God led him, and trusting that God’s will being done was better than his own desires, was the best course. He trusted that God had a good plan, invisible to him, in every situation, and did not lose hope even when the results of his work were not visible. In this way, Peter came to see his own hardships not as burdens, but to rejoice in suffering alongside Jesus.
We can only walk as Peter did. Believing in Jesus and following Him means repeatedly experiencing both being crushed by our own weakness and knowing that Jesus forgives and loves us, including our weakness. We also learn that we cannot follow Jesus by our own strength, and that it is Jesus who gives us that strength. Thus, following Jesus means experiencing failure alongside Him, being reborn through Him, entrusting our steps to Him, and anticipating God’s good plan that works beyond the reality we see.
So, what does it mean to live following Jesus more concretely? From here, I’d like to share a little about my own journey with Jesus. Each of you has your own unique experiences, and I don’t know how much my story will help, but I hope it might offer some hints for thinking concretely about what it means to follow Jesus.
B. Jesus and us
1. The experience of knowing that we are forgiven and loved by Jesus for our weakness
The first time I realized that Jesus knew my weaknesses, forgave me despite them, and loved me was when I was nineteen. It was the moment I first decided to believe in Him.
I think I’ve always had low self-esteem since childhood. I was convinced I was inferior to my friends in many ways and lacked confidence. I couldn’t find any reason to believe in myself or like who I was.
And then, when I was 17, my friend’s suicide made me realize I was an insensitive, cold person who couldn’t recognize my friend’s suffering. I had no reason to forgive myself, and no guarantee I wouldn’t repeat the same kind of irreversible mistake again. I didn’t understand why I deserved to live, nor did I have any purpose for living.
Therefore, the idea that Jesus bore all our sins and died on the cross felt natural to me. I thought, “Ah, that must have been necessary.” I suppose that’s how deeply I felt—including myself—that human weakness is hopelessly sinful.
However, even if I felt I needed someone like Jesus in my life, I knew I had to verify whether that was truly real. I also doubted it might just be an illusion for those who wanted to believe. So I read the Bible myself, listened to others’ stories, asked Andy many questions, and thought deeply about it.
But ultimately, what made me believe Jesus truly exists was not just rational judgment, but also being taught by the Holy Spirit that it was true. I didn’t have a supernatural experience, but through various people and events, I felt as if Jesus was speaking directly to my heart, saying, “I know you well.” And I came to understand that Jesus knows all my weaknesses, yet He was crucified for me and loves me.
That was back when I first decided to believe in Jesus, but after I began walking with Him, I was repeatedly taught this truth through the relationships at church. My friends at Your Church stayed by my side even knowing my flaws, and forgave me even when I hurt them. Through them, I learned about God’s love—a love that never abandons me and never stops loving me.
2. The experience of realizing that we cannot follow Jesus on our own strength
Over the past decade, I’ve also come to realize that no matter how deeply I believe in Jesus’ truth, I simply cannot follow Him by my own strength. Though I wanted to believe, I found myself exhausted from trying to keep believing.
I graduated from seminary at age 29 and became the pastor of Your Church. At that time, I still wasn’t clear about what kind of pastor I wanted to be, and the responsibility of leading Your Church felt overwhelmingly heavy, leaving me deeply anxious.
Around that time, the friends who had supported me started getting married one after another. While they remained dear friends even after marriage, it was only natural that their priorities in life would change. It was also inevitable that physical distance would grow and they’d have less free time. Honestly, rather than feeling happy for my friends’ marriages, I felt overwhelmingly lonely, and I truly hated myself for it.
Then, around that time, I also learned that someone I had counted on like a mother was ill. It’s a terribly self-centered and pathetic story, but since I had relied on that person completely until then, it was painful to realize I couldn’t depend on her as I had before. I knew I needed to be more supportive myself, but it took me quite a while to get there.
Also, my family situation was difficult at the time, and that was when I started living alone. I was already 30 years old, and while attending seminary, I had been able to stay at my parents’ house, which was a huge help. I had been given a very privileged environment, but it felt like I had lost yet another place I could rely on.
Looking back now, it seems that as soon as I became a pastor, God began removing the people I had relied on in various ways, one after another. I felt terribly anxious and lonely, wondering if the path I’d chosen was wrong. Yet I also felt there was no other path I could have taken. But then I lost my way, unsure how to walk the path I had chosen. I cried out to God in prayer, found some comfort, and managed to pull myself together. But then I’d wander aimlessly again, unsure where to go. I think during this time, I probably hurt many more people than I realized. For that, I am truly sorry.
Eventually, I gave up struggling on my own. I guess it took me twenty years to realize that even the strength to live trusting in Jesus was something I never had to begin with—even though I had originally met Jesus because I felt limited in walking my own path through my own power. Up until then, whenever I cried out to God, He would always say, “ You’ll be okay.” But I would retort, “ How exactly am I supposed to be okay?” And I would sulk because I wasn’t getting an answer. Yet gradually, I surrendered to God, thinking, “ If You say I’ll be okay, then I guess I will be.”
Over the past few years, I’ve experienced several events that felt like crises to me. But strangely enough, through them, I’ve been able to see more clearly the direction I should take. I now believe that all I can do is deliver God’s love within my reach, and that pouring my whole heart into that is all I need to do.
Next month, I will be getting married, and I believe this is a decision I could only make now. I know my weaknesses all too well, and I have come to be confident that I cannot live without relying on Jesus. Furthermore, I believe that unless I love Jesus more than anyone else, I cannot truly cherish anyone else.
I’m sorry for my long personal story. Please, please, I’d love to hear your stories too.
(Prayer) Lord Jesus, You know each of our paths well. You know the hearts that groan without hope, and the voices that cry out to You in prayer. Please help us not to seek hope in our own strength, but to rely on the hope found in You. Grant us the strength to entrust to You the anxieties and loneliness we cannot handle on our own, and to place our hope in You. And use each of us so that we may affirm and encourage one another in this. Holy Spirit, please help us. Lord Jesus, we offer our thanks to You and pray in Your name. Amen.
Summary
Believing in Jesus and following Him means repeatedly experiencing both being crushed by our own weakness and knowing that Jesus forgives and loves us, including our weakness. We also learn that we cannot follow Jesus by our own strength, and that it is Jesus who gives us that strength. Thus, following Jesus means experiencing failure alongside Him, being reborn through Him, entrusting our steps to Him, and anticipating God’s good plan that works beyond the reality we see.
For Discussion
1) Share your experience that you realized that you had been forgiven and loved by Jesus for your weakness.
2) Share your experience that you realized that you cannot follow Jesus on your own strength.